In this thread, I wanted to offer an opportunity to discuss some common questions writers face. We’re often told to write from our pain because people will relate and find value in these topics. While there’s some wisdom in that idea, this is not always so simple in reality.
Some potential challenges arise. Here are some questions I’d love for you to reflect on. Once you’ve taken time to reflect, please comment in this thread on any of these or related questions.
If you write from a very unhealed place, and the memory you’re writing about remains traumatic to you, do you think this writing will be helpful to others? Or could these raw and painful emotions/memories possibly trigger others?
When is it more valuable to write in journals or as part of your own healing process (without the intention of sharing these things broadly)?
Is it better to pursue some healing first before writing about these painful memories and sharing those more publicly? If you think so, why?
From your experience, what do you feel benefits the readers most? Why?
Also, if you’re writing memoir, how do you handle sensitive topics that might upset family members or those you care about?
Have you ever written and shared something that ultimately harmed relationships? Would you do things differently now? If so, in what way?
One last question: if you’re writing and some painful memories come up that feel overwhelming, what do you do? Do you set aside that particular project and seek some counseling or other help before continuing? Do you feel it’s okay to give yourself time to heal before you tackle this topic, or perhaps write about something else instead?
picture of pelicans taken at Ankeny Bird Refuge in Oregon by Susan Kuenzi
It is enormously difficult to organise one’s traumatic experiences into a coherent account — a narrative with a beginning, a middle and an end.
As you think about these questions I listed above, remember that integration of memories can be part of the healing process. When you’ve experienced some healing from trauma or painful memories, the associated emotional charge no longer impacts you in the same way. Grief can also be very fresh, and while writing might be a tool as you process grief, don’t feel pressure to share unless you’re ready.
Not everything needs to be shared publicly. Some things may help others. However, do you think that the perspective of a writer (who is further along on the path to healing) can give the reader a sense of hope that healing is possible?
If someone writes from a place of hopelessness or despair, how does this impact the reader?
In your own experience, how does your writing come across when you write from a healed place versusa very raw, painful or traumatic place?
Can you think of books you’ve started reading, but you put the book down and quit because it either triggered something unhealed in you, or it just felt too hopeless or full of despair?
When you look for books or articles to read, what do you find most valuable? How does this perspective help you as a writer?
picture of Mt Hood, taken by Susan Kuenzi in Oregon
Our struggles in life can be redeemed in many ways. One of those ways becomes evident when the comfort and help we received (which led to our own healing and growth) makes a difference in the lives of others.
This is a really interesting and pertinent conversation to have Susan, and you posed some good questions here. I have to admit, I started my Substack from a place of not being fully healed and I’m still technically in the healing process. After prayer and consideration it was something I felt compelled to do as it was a huge vehicle to help my church congregation understand what was going on in my situation and learn how to help. Every situation is different with its own sensitivities, so even though it may not be for everyone, I found so much freedom and comfort in putting my words out there and have had life-giving conversations with others because of it. That being said, I think there should be some separation and healing necessary in order for our words to yield good fruit. And perhaps we know we’ve reached the threshold of a healed place when we’re ready to think beyond ourselves and invite the reader into a bigger conversation. It’s tricky to toddle the line between relatability/authenticity/honesty and discerning when to keep intimate healing private, but this is just my experience from having tried to navigate it myself 🙂
I loved your thoughtful response, Kathy. It’s a healthy sign when life-giving conversations take place as a result. I found your words here very wise: “That being said, I think there should be some separation and healing necessary in order for our words to yield good fruit. And perhaps we know we’ve reached the threshold of a healed place when we’re ready to think beyond ourselves and invite the reader into a bigger conversation. It’s tricky to toddle the line between relatability/authenticity/honesty and discerning when to keep intimate healing private, but this is just my experience.” When I summarize this summer project I will refer to this comment. Good insights!
Thanks so much for sharing some of your thoughts and experiences here. I really appreciate you taking to share what you’ve learned and experienced. It really is an individual choice but I find discussing these things helps people when they do encounter decisions or run into some of these challenges.
Again, Susan, I am thinking so much of Louise DeSalvo's book, Writing as a Way of Healing! This is fantastic stuff you're getting into - the meat and potatoes. I love it!
This is a really interesting and pertinent conversation to have Susan, and you posed some good questions here. I have to admit, I started my Substack from a place of not being fully healed and I’m still technically in the healing process. After prayer and consideration it was something I felt compelled to do as it was a huge vehicle to help my church congregation understand what was going on in my situation and learn how to help. Every situation is different with its own sensitivities, so even though it may not be for everyone, I found so much freedom and comfort in putting my words out there and have had life-giving conversations with others because of it. That being said, I think there should be some separation and healing necessary in order for our words to yield good fruit. And perhaps we know we’ve reached the threshold of a healed place when we’re ready to think beyond ourselves and invite the reader into a bigger conversation. It’s tricky to toddle the line between relatability/authenticity/honesty and discerning when to keep intimate healing private, but this is just my experience from having tried to navigate it myself 🙂
I loved your thoughtful response, Kathy. It’s a healthy sign when life-giving conversations take place as a result. I found your words here very wise: “That being said, I think there should be some separation and healing necessary in order for our words to yield good fruit. And perhaps we know we’ve reached the threshold of a healed place when we’re ready to think beyond ourselves and invite the reader into a bigger conversation. It’s tricky to toddle the line between relatability/authenticity/honesty and discerning when to keep intimate healing private, but this is just my experience.” When I summarize this summer project I will refer to this comment. Good insights!
Thanks so much for sharing some of your thoughts and experiences here. I really appreciate you taking to share what you’ve learned and experienced. It really is an individual choice but I find discussing these things helps people when they do encounter decisions or run into some of these challenges.
Again, Susan, I am thinking so much of Louise DeSalvo's book, Writing as a Way of Healing! This is fantastic stuff you're getting into - the meat and potatoes. I love it!
So glad to hear this resonates with you. I will be doing a highlight video from the summer project soon. I got delayed by health.
I really appreciated reading this particular article that I feel relates really well here: https://open.substack.com/pub/improvingmentalhealth/p/i-realize-now-whats-been-holding?r=22wfou&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
https://open.substack.com/pub/hajeesun/p/a-creating-manifestostarting-my-365-24c?r=22wfou&utm_medium=ios